Shall we dance? The Dude responds…

A new study from scientists in Britain and Germany suggests that men who are “flamboyant” dancers attract women best.

Flamboyant?  How do you mean, exactly?  John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever (replete with white polyester leisure suit)?  Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing (did we ever establish what the age of consent was wherever that little camp was?).  Elaine in the fateful Seinfeld episode?

No, no, no, a thousand times no.

It’s incumbent upon a modern man to be able to dance when the time is right.

The time is rarely right.

The modern gentleman does not flail around like a rag doll that has been tossed by a young child.  Said differently, you should not prance around like a peacock unless your name is Mick Jagger, in which case all is forgiven…and by the way most of us couldn’t survive the drugs, Keith’s smokes, or the onslaught of thrown underthings from groupies that Mick has to endure anyway.

Although I might be willing to try.

No, the modern gentleman knows how to waltz, fox trot, shag/swing (a little…or even a lot, but beware the man who swing dances too well as it’s possible his significant other is same-sex, not that there’s anything wrong with that), and can “fast dance” (preferably to Motown or other classic dance music, but to modern dance music or even rock’n roll if necessary) in a very subtle fashion.  Not so showy as to attract untoward attention, but with enough oomph and moves and rhythm to demonstrate that he can…well, you know…and do so pretty well.  There is SOMETHING to be said for the strong core.

Men, take it easy out there or someone might get hurt.  Or it might just be your honor and manliness that takes a blow.

As an aside, I can’t help wondering what possessed someone to conduct this research, although I note with interest that the researchers are Brits and Germans.  Bad teeth, I bet.  I can’t help but wonder whether the braniancs in question were truly trying to figure out — in quantifiable, scientific terms — why they’re not getting any.

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